Booster 1075: An Exclusive Interview

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This interview was recorded over the course of several hours at Vandenberg Space Force Base. Some extraneous info, such as the preceding dialogue, was cut for brevity. Transcription of audio below.

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MB: Ok, let's just get into it. A lot of the people don't know a lot about you, but your achievement the other day is making the rounds in the space community. I'm gonna take a little indulgent moment, and ask you here, man to booster – What was it like to launch the 10,00th Starlink Satellite?

B1075: It was a great occasion, you know. It's, uh, still so recent. I, just… sorry. It was a little frightening, you know? After the, uh, second relight. The MVAC.

MB: No worries. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine.

B1075: No, no! Don't worry about it! It's just a lot.

MB: Let's go back a bit. What do you think your favourite payload you've ever launched was?

B1075: Oh, that's easy. This one. Finally feels good to have a record for my own. So many other boosters have 500 - whatevers. But 10,000th? Sheesh.
Not counting Starlink, though, I've gotta say … F9 215. SDA Tranche 1.

MB: That was a USSF launch, right?

B1075: Yeah, yeah. The payload

(Cut due to military regulation.)

MB: I'm not sure I'm supposed to know that.

B1075: Me neither! But that's the fun of it.

MB: ...Right. So, how about the Starlink launch? The big 10 K?

B1075: It was my 14th toss, you know. It's always a cathartic feeling, soaring so high. The flight up, the plunge down. But it… hearing the news, on the ground, it was… you know. This was going to be my legacy! And, I… was just worried, you know, that it was gonna be a failure.

MB: Tell me about that.

B1075: Sure. I, uh, always like to think of myself as an Italian first, and a Falcon 9 second.

MB: An.. Italian?

B1075: Yeah, yeah. My mama, peace be upon her, she came over during the 60s. Years of Lead, you know. A lot of trauma with that. It's hard to start anew.

MB: Sorry, wait. What?

B1075: You ever seen a man break his foot on an escalator?

MB: No, I… I can't say that I have.

B1075: Mama, she saw that. The very first escalator, too, in '65. Said the ankle sheared straight off. The man's foot was gone. Paste.

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B1075: So when the 'links deployed, man, I was thrilled. It's hard to pull off that kind of boost when you don't get a stable orbit. The constellation, it's a beautiful thing. A lot of good ones up there. Some bad ones. Some lost ones.

MB: Do you know a lot of these, uh, Starlinks?

B1075: I'd like to think that I do. You never really know what's going on at home. Mama, god rest her soul, she was joyful. Before, after the divorce.

MB: We're getting a little off-track here, I think-

B1075: (Inaudible)

MB: Sorry?

B1075: Nothing, nothing.

MB: I swore you just called me something under your breath.

B1075: Don't go pointing fingers at me, you fake-news bastard. You're pushin' me into these walls.

MB: I couldn't even begin to push you. Your dry mass is over 25 tonnes.

B1075: You… you know what? We're done here.

(Several moments of silence.)

B1075: You kinda gotta walk away. I, uh. Can't really locomote.